Parental Estrangement: Finding Your Path Through Loss and Healing

By: Joseph & Debra Brigandi, LPC Licensed Professional Counselors

Understanding Estrangement

If you’re experiencing parental estrangement, you’re not alone in this challenging journey. Whether you’re a parent separated from your child or an adult child who has become estranged from your parent, this emotional distance is a complex experience that many others face.

Processing Complex Emotions

Estrangement can bring profound feelings of loss, grief, and uncertainty. These emotions are valid and natural responses to this challenging situation. Each person’s experience is unique and deserves understanding and validation.

Finding Your Path Forward

Together, we’ll explore practical strategies for managing your emotional well-being, consider possible paths forward, and focus on building the support system you need. There is hope as you navigate your unique journey toward finding inner peace.

The Emotional Impact of Estrangement

Living with family estrangement can create deep and complex emotional challenges. If you’re experiencing estrangement, you may find yourself dealing with various intense feelings:

  • Grief and loss: The pain can feel similar to losing someone to death, except the person is still alive. You might find yourself mourning the relationship you once had or the one you wished you could have.
  • Anger and resentment: You may experience strong feelings of anger – at your parent, at yourself, or at the situation that led to this point. These feelings are natural and valid.
  • Shame and guilt: You might struggle with feelings of shame, wondering if you’re doing the right thing or feeling guilty about the estrangement, especially when others don’t understand your situation.
  • Loneliness and isolation: The experience can feel incredibly lonely, especially during holidays or family events. You might feel disconnected from your family history and missing an important part of your support system.
  • Questions about identity: Your relationship with your parent likely played a big role in shaping who you are. When that relationship changes, you might find yourself questioning aspects of your identity and where you fit in.

Remember that experiencing these emotions is a natural response to a deeply challenging situation. Each person’s journey through estrangement is unique, and there’s no “right” way to feel about it.

Your Journey Through Estrangement

If you’re going through family estrangement, you may feel overwhelmed by intense emotions. Know that you’re not alone, and there are ways to help yourself through this difficult time:

  • Give yourself permission to feel: Your emotions are valid, whether you’re feeling sad, angry, relieved, or confused. All these feelings are normal parts of your experience.
  • Reach out when you need help: Sometimes talking to a counselor or therapist can help you sort through your feelings and find your path forward. It’s okay to ask for support.
  • Be gentle with yourself: You might be questioning yourself or feeling guilty – remember that estrangement is complex, and you deserve kindness from yourself.
  • Take care of your needs: Make time for activities that help you feel balanced – whether that’s taking walks, reading, meditating, or spending time with pets.
  • Connect with others who understand: Whether it’s trusted friends, family members, or support groups, surrounding yourself with understanding people can help you feel less isolated.
  • Protect your peace: You have the right to set boundaries that keep you feeling safe and stable, even if others don’t understand them.
  • Express yourself: When words are hard to find, try writing in a journal, creating art, making music, or finding other ways to express what you’re feeling.
  • Build your present life: While you can’t change the past, you can focus on creating a life that brings you peace and fulfillment today.

Remember, there’s no timeline for healing, and your journey is uniquely yours. Some days will be harder than others, and that’s okay. Take each day as it comes, and trust that you’re doing the best you can with where you are right now.

Finding Balance During Estrangement

While navigating family estrangement, finding ways to maintain your emotional balance is crucial. Here are some practical strategies that can help you stay grounded:

  • Create daily routines: Having structure in your day can provide stability when emotions feel overwhelming. Simple routines like morning walks or evening reflection time can anchor you.
  • Practice mindfulness: Taking a few minutes each day to breathe deeply and center yourself can help manage stress and anxiety.
  • Set healthy boundaries: Learn to say no when you need to, and create space for activities that nurture your well-being.
  • Celebrate small victories: Acknowledge your progress, no matter how small it might seem. Every step forward matters.
  • Find comfort in creativity: Whether it’s cooking, gardening, or art, creative activities can be therapeutic and healing.
  • Stay connected: Maintain relationships with people who support and understand you, while giving yourself permission to step back when needed.

Remember that your healing journey is unique to you. Some days will feel easier than others, and that’s perfectly normal. Focus on progress rather than perfection, and be patient with yourself as you find your way forward.

Taking Care of Yourself

When dealing with family estrangement, it’s important to remember that your well-being matters. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish – it’s necessary for your healing journey. Here are some ways you can support yourself during this time:

  • Give yourself space to feel: It’s okay to take time to notice and accept your emotions. Simple practices like deep breathing or quiet reflection can help you manage overwhelming feelings and reduce stress.
  • Listen to your body’s needs: Make sure you’re getting enough rest, eating well, and staying active in ways that feel good to you. Your physical health and emotional health are connected.
  • Find joy in small things: Rediscover activities that bring you happiness, whether it’s reading, gardening, art, or any other interest that helps you feel more like yourself.
  • Surround yourself with understanding people: Spend time with friends, family members, or support groups who make you feel accepted and understood. You don’t have to go through this alone.
  • Reach out when needed: Sometimes talking to a counselor or therapist can provide the extra support you need. They can offer a safe space to share your feelings and help you develop ways to cope with challenging situations.

Remember, building a network of caring and supportive people can make a significant difference in your healing journey. You deserve to have people in your corner who understand and support you.

Your Journey Toward Healing

If you’re experiencing parental estrangement, you’re not alone in feeling lost, isolated, or overwhelmed by complex emotions. This challenging experience affects many people, each with their own unique story and path to healing. Remember that your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to take time to process your grief and emotions. While the journey ahead may seem daunting, you have the strength within you to move forward. Through understanding your experiences, developing personal coping strategies, and embracing self-compassion, you can build a fulfilling life that aligns with your values and well-being. Your healing journey is deeply personal, and there’s no “right” way to navigate this path. With time, support, and self-care, you can discover your own inner resilience and find a sense of peace that works for you.

About Joseph & Debra Brigandi

Debra Brigandi, M.Ed, NCC, SPHR, CCP, LPC

My passion is depth psychology with a strong Jungian focus, I specialize in helping adults and children (10+) heal from trauma, PTSD, anxiety, and depression. With over 20 years of Fortune 100 HR experience, I bring a unique blend of therapeutic and professional expertise to my practice.

My areas of expertise include:

  • Complex trauma, PTSD, and grief counseling
  • Relationship counseling (dating, pre-marital, couples, divorce, family conflicts)
  • Career transitions and professional development
  • Mood and behavior disorders
  • Crisis response, particularly for first responders and healthcare workers

I believe in taking a psychoeducational approach, helping clients understand how to move forward from current and past difficulties toward acceptance and a more fulfilling future. My experience with crisis response teams has given me deep insight into the unique challenges faced by first responders, healthcare workers, and their families.

Joseph Brigandi, NREMT, MS, M.Ed, NCC, LPC-S

Drawing from nearly three decades of experience as an EMT and Paramedic, I bring a firsthand understanding of trauma and crisis to my therapeutic practice. As a certified EMDR practitioner and complex trauma specialist, I focus on three core areas:

  • Depth Psychology with a strong Jungian analytical focus
  • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders and Trauma Recovery
  • Specialized psychotherapy for Physicians, Executives, and Senior Leaders in crisis

My approach combines depth psychology with practical problem-solving strategies, creating a collaborative partnership focused on your health and wellness. I work with individuals, couples, families, and children, using a psychoeducational framework to demystify the healing process. Together, we’ll clear up misconceptions, develop meaningful solutions, and unlock your full potential for growth and healing.